Personal Note From Anne:

My Grandpa is 96 years old. Just imagine in his lifetime what he has lived through. He has lived through the first cars. He saw when America was the number one car seller to having America displaced by foreign cars. He has lived through World War II, Vietnam and Desert Storm. So, he has seen how the news covered and delivered updates on the war after the fact and then Desert Storm when we were right there with the troops He has lived through the small Mom and Pop grocery stores to the big chains we have today. He has lived through the traditional "treat a woman like a lady" to the women's movement "I can get my own door, thank you." He has seen the telephone go from being a clunky desk object to being a cell phone you put in your pocket. He saw Kodak almost disappear as we went from film to digital prints. He saw games move from board games to electronic pong to the Wii. He has been resilient. He has had to change continuously. Never once have I seen him complain about the changes or regress to saying what they had was better. No, instead he says, "Will you look at that? Isn't that amazing?" You see resilience is attitude. What is your attitude? -Anne Got an upcoming annual sales or leadership meeting, kick-off event or conference? If you're looking for a speaker or some training on how to be transformational in how you think, listen and speak so you become a trusted leader and in sales, a trusted partner, give IMP a call at 952-921-9421 or email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Anne's Outcome Insights

"How to Move People to Agree With Your Ideas"

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Quotable Quotes

“The number one way TRUST is built with a leader is through how people interpret your action and words to see if they match.”

- Anne Warfield

Outcome Focus^® Solution

How to handle difficult discussions.

Situation:

We promote a 1:1 approach for conflict resolution and have a specific "how to" flow chart for approaching one another. When it works it's great....then there are those circumstances where:

Scenario 1:

Employee A asks employee B to help out with job duties. Employee B refuses and walks away. A short time later Employee A asks Employee B if she could talk with her. Employee B says, "If you want to talk with me about not helping, forget it. You always ask people to do your work because you are too lazy to do it yourself". Employee B then walks away. Employee A did not follow and didn't re-approach.

OR... Scenario 2:

What about when someone says something jokingly to someone but it is not really nice? We have an employee here who likes to joke and for the most part is ok, but occasionally, when I hear something that is not really nice and the other person laughs it off, I get to thinking that that really is not appropriate behavior. I can't remember the specific phrase that was said but I do remember feeling like that really wasn't nice at all.

Do you have any suggestions for how to advise or coach team members in these cases? How best to frame a discussion with the other person or how to help one or the other frame a discussion (which is my role in the process.) Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Other person's Perspective:

Why should I make any change? I want everyone to work as hard as me. It is rude to say something directly to someone so being indirect (Scenario B) is more kind. I want us all to get along. I want to work in an environment that I am appreciated.

Best Handled:

In both of these situations the real message is that your corporate culture is one that is allowing people to live in double standards. Now it doesn't meant that you are purposefully creating that culture, it just means that it does exist.

So what do you do about it?

There are two parts to this solution.

PART 1:

First, as a manager you want to look at what you may be doing that is allowing employees to feel either of these responses is okay. Here are some examples of things you may be doing and the underlying message being sent;

1. If you "bend" rules for certain individuals you are telling employees that there are double standards and you are okay with them. Therefore, that would mean I don't have to do what another employee asks of me if I just find the "magic escape clause". You need to have set standards and principles that ALL people operate under- no exceptions. Coach Wooden had a rule that all players be on the bus by 6 PM. Two of his star players didn't show up. All the players held their breath to see what he would do- for surely they would lose the game without those two players. Coach Wooden told the bus driver to leave PROMPTLY at 6 PM. No players were late after that date. At some time you have to take a firm stand that lets all people know you are fair BUT firm.
2. Ask how fast you are at DIRECTLY addressing problems and issues. Your employees will move at about 1/2 your speed. So if they see you delaying they can too.
3. Do you joke about problems at the corporation and hope employees get the message behind or are you direct? They will mimic what they see you do.

Okay, so now you are saying, but wait a minute I wrote about my employees and all you have done is talk about me!

The first place you always want to start when you see employees is to think, "What may I be doing that is allowing this to happen?" That is the only way to stop the reoccurrence of the problems. You will be surprised by how many times as a leader you do things subconsciously that produce the opposite result of what you want.

PART 2:

Second, you need to address these immediately with the parties involved.

In the first scenario since you were not there you have to assume that all of it is hearsay. So your option is to help coach the person on how to respond. And then say that you would like to have all parties come in and talk about it so it doesn't get repeated.

Talk candidly but non-judgmentally with both parties. This means saying to Person A, "Share with me what you could have done with Person B said that you were too lazy and they weren't going to help?" Look for answers that focus on addressing the problem and are not blaming. Answers I would look for should come along the lines of, "I should have said, "Person B, I understand you have a lot on your plate and that we both want to get the work done. I am not asking you to do this work because I am too lazy to do it. So let's talk about what needs to happen in order to get this project done." If Person B is still difficult I would say, "Look we have to cooperate and work together. What I am hearing you say is you won't work with me on this and you see it as my problem only. If we can't solve this here we will need to get _________involved. What do you suggest we do to get this solved with you and me?"

In the Scenario 2, you need to address the comment right on the spot. You can do it by talking about what respect means in the work force with your entire team and let them know what some inappropriate comments are. Tell them you commit to not using them and you would like them all to eliminate saying any of them. Explain how we all sometimes say this jokingly because we aren't sure how to address them and what you want to do is have people address them directly.

You could also address the person who said it by coming up to them and saying something like, "I just heard you say __________to Joy. If I was Joy the message I would have heard behind that is ________________.I know you are a very respectful person and would not want Joy thinking that you really meant________ because that would be hurtful. So what can be done to avoid statements like that in the future even in a joking manner?"

Let me give you an example: My daughter had a friend over the other day and when I asked them a question she gave me a snippy answer in a voice and said "whatever" on the end of it. Right there I said in an even voice, "I never speak to you that way and I expect the same respect in return. Okay?" and then I asked my question again. Her voice immediately changed and she and her friend talked appropriately from then on. If I had laughed about it or made a big deal about it, it would have continued.

Make sure you have to stick to your guidelines and have no tolerance for people falling off the wagon when respecting each other.

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Outcome Focus^® Guest Column
Lighting your way with new perspectives!

ARE YOU INTEXTICATED?
An essay by Bill Gurnon

Electronic communication is fast becoming not only an integral part of our society and our world, but also a necessity. News organizations depend heavily on journalists in faraway places being able to capture audio and video of breaking news. Even bystanders are "reporting" on events as they unfold by sending video from their cell phones to their favorite TV station. Many news organizations encourage us to share our own story on the topic of the day. Visit any news web site and you'll find a link asking for your comments or perspectives.

And then there's the phenomenon of texting. Young people use their cell phones to text more than they talk. In the last two weeks, my own son has sent 344 text messages compared to using 150 minutes of voice calling. There's even a new term for texting while you're driving. Its "driving while intoxicated" – DWI. And let's not forget about the success of Twitter. Savvy business people are already using Twitter (not to mention Facebook) for effective and targeted marketing.

So, you may ask, why am I harping about this? Am I one of those old fuddy--‐duddies who resist change? Not even for a moment. In fact, I'm an early adopter. I'll try any new technical gadget. I love the possibilities the computer age has presented. Being able to hear a song on the radio, hold up an iPhone to it and find out not only the name of the song but also where I can buy it and how much it will cost just amazes me. What fun!

Nevertheless, all of these tech--‐y methods we use to communicate beg the question "Will we ever talk to each other again?" I mean really talk?

My concern lies in the brevity of today's communication. How does one convey anything of significance in 140 tweets? This abbreviated type of communication can easily (and quickly) lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding. It's ironic that the more people engage in these brief conversations, the more they hunger for meaningful connections with others. They just don't seem able to get enough people contact. They can't even sit through a two--‐hour movie without texting someone.

You just can't get to know someone like this. You really can't get to know a person unless you spend a little time with them. You don't know someone until you know his or her story.

So how do you get to know someone's story? It's really quite easy. All you need to do is stop talking and start listening. Simply give the person in front of you permission to tell their story. Then stop and listen. It doesn't take long, just five minutes or so. Resist the temptation to think ahead to what you're going to say next. And don't interrupt either. Don't try to interject your own experiences into someone's story. Just be quiet. Respect them by listening. Give them a little time and you'll discover a world of interesting stories about someone you thought you already knew. Then, maybe they'll grant you the same privilege.

When you begin to share stories with someone, you truly begin to understand them in ways you never dreamed possible. I thought I knew my wife of 26 years until I started taking time to listen to her stories. The payout for that brief investment of time is enormous. What a gift. I've listened to many of my friend's personal stories and they never fail to open doors to new understanding. Next time you're with a friend, ask this question, or something like it:

"What was the worst (or best) thing that ever happened to you on the job?" "Tell me about it."

Four simple words – tell me about it. These four words are powerful. They open doors. Try it for yourself sometime. You'll be surprised and rewarded. Texting is a great tool and can be very useful. I do it, too. But give yourself time to go beyond 140 tweets. Pls.

Bill Gurnon is an experienced instructor who consistently receives the highest ratings from workshop attendees. He has been studying the craft of storytelling for nearly 10 years. Working with a troupe of storytellers led by a professional storyteller, Bill has performed many times at the Northfield Arts Guild Theater. His stories have aired on Minnesota Public Radio and TPT (public TV in Mpls./St. Paul) as part of the Emmy Award-winning "Legacy Letters" series.

He is currently a contract instructor for Index Computers in Savage, MN. Prior to his work as an instructor, he managed customer service for Wilson Learning (an international training company) and Sanofi Diagnostics Pasteur (a major manufacturer of medical diagnostics).

He has served on the Boards of Directors for 3 non-profit organizations holding the positions of Treasurer and President.

http://thestorycollector.com/tpit.htm