Personal Note From Anne:

At the end of the school year, my 2nd grader was so excited that her classroom had a program for the Dad's this year. They sent home notices asking the Dad's to save the date. Like any little kid she was so excited that she can hardly wait.

So the night before the big day, we went out to dinner. You could see that she wanted to remind her Dad about the event to ensure he would be there. Now, think about it, what is the number one thing a person says when they want to remind you of something?

It is usually a variation of, "Now remember you are..." or "don't forget.." Both of these can become exasperating after a while as the recipient can feel like you don't trust their memory or they can feel burdened by the event before it even happens.

No, Michaela didn't use any of those. She looked her Dad square in the eye and with a big smile said, "Aren't you just excited about tomorrow and what you get to do?"

She made the assumption her Dad would remember but also nudged his memory by asking a proactive question.

Then in the morning she did it again. She came down all dressed in black and told her Dad he could wear black if he wanted to match her as she would be a black sheep in the play. Again a gentle nudge of a reminder in a fun loving way that got her Dad excited about the event.

So why do I tell you this? How does this story relate to your business?

In business the more you are able to nudge, remind, encourage and engage others in a way that makes them feel good and reaches your outcome is exactly what you want to do. You want to stay on the positive side so people are excited, enthusiastic and ready to go.

Take Action: Look at your office meetings. Do you send out "reminders" or do you send encouraging and enticing lines that get people to sit up and take notice? Look at your client mailings, emails, meetings, and information. Do you have friendly ways for them to take advantage of all you have to offer? When you do this you stop selling and you start helping.

Either way, what you can see is that you can learn lessons and insights from others no matter what age they are!

-Anne

How to be assertive without being aggressive

Use as a training tool: Present the situation below to the group and have them brainstorm how they would best handle the situation. Then share the Outcome Focus® answer and see how it relates or differs from solutions the group found.

Situation:

Dear Anne, I have been accused of being too aggressive at work. I am really confused by what people mean by this. I think I am being assertive. I have a tendency to speak my mind at meetings and I don't necessarily sugarcoat things when I disagree. Shouldn't others just speak up if they disagree or do I have to alter myself in order to "fit in"?

Outcome Desired:

You want to get along with people at work. You want to be viewed as a positive and strong person, not someone that sits on the fence and is wishy washy.

How to Handle:

This can be a frustrating position to find yourself in. Many people have a hard time distinguishing between aggressive and assertive. Let's start there. Assertive is putting forward positively and with confidence your thoughts and ideas, even in the face of adversity. Aggressive is putting forward your thoughts and ideas in a combative readiness state. The difference between the two is that being assertive allows others to see where you clearly stand BUT also allows them to feel justified in having an opinion or thought that differs. While being aggressive comes off as it is "your way or the highway" and can often make others feel wrong" to have an opinion that differs from yours.

So how can you tell the difference? If you are being aggressive, people will remain silent after you talk or they will move right to arguing with you. If you are a manager, you will shortly find yourself surrounded by "yes" people. If you are assertive, people will be thoughtful, ask questions and challenge you but you will rarely see them square their shoulders, lift their chin and stare defiantly at you. Also, if you fall in to the "aggressive category" you most likely are a Producer. Producers desire to have control over their area and at times inflict themselves on others inappropriately.

Best Phrased:

Take a quick assessment. At meetings, are you the first to speak up? Do you often interrupt others? Do you make body signs that show you disagree with another person? (These body signs would include grunting, tapping a pen, shuffling papers while the other person is talking, rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, looking away, glaring or crossing your arms) If you do, try: listening with your head titled to one side as this will increase your listening and make the other person feel accepted and not judged, asking for others opinions BEFORE offering your own thoughts and ideas prefaced by "What if we..." or "Could we look at it from.." or "I was thinking..." This will allow others to take in what you are saying without feeling shut off. If you disagree with someone try, "Tell me this.." "How does that fit with..." "Can you share with me how.." "I understood that we were trying to do... and if that is true then, how does....."

Anne's Outcome Insights:

Quotable Quotes “Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal power comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.” - Norman Vincent Peale Anne’s Video Blog: "What is Eating Your Productivity?" Watch Now   Outcome Thinking®: Getting Results Without the Boxing Gloves If you have ever wanted to say the right thing at the right time, then this book is for you. Anne shares why traditional communication doesn't work and shows you how to shatter paradigms so you connect better with others. You will learn three easy principles so when you speak people want to listen to you. Hardcover. Get your book autographed to make it special! Buy Now

Outcome Focus® Guest Column Lighting your way with new perspectives!

Decision making defines the leader By Harvey Mackay My favorite "Peanuts" character, Charlie Brown, is on the pitcher's mound and saying to himself: "It's the last of the ninth. The bases are loaded. There are two out, and the count is three and two on the batter. If I get him out, we win!" At this point, Charlie is surrounded by his friends and teammates who are shouting, "Throw him a fastball! Throw him a curve!" And so on. All alone on the pitcher's mound, Charlie thinks to himself, "The world is filled with people who are anxious to serve in an advisory capacity." Anyone who has management responsibilities understands that decision-making can be precarious. Choose well, and you are a hero. Make a bad choice, and your career could be over. Is it any wonder that many people really struggle in making decisions? Or as Yogi Berra said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." After you've done all your homework, when making decisions, I've found that you have to trust your gut. Deep down, you know what's right. If not, I always check with people I trust to give me the knowledge on all sides. Psychologist Joyce Brothers advises, "Trust your hunches...they are usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level." Sigmund Freud was once asked why it is so difficult for some people to make decisions. He shocked people when he said he asks them to toss a coin. He went on to explain: "I did not say you should follow blindly what the coin tells you. What I want you to do is to note what the coin indicates. Then look into your own reactions. Ask yourself: Am I pleased? Am I disappointed? That will help you to recognize how you really feel about the matter, deep down inside. With that as a basis, you'll then be ready to make up your mind and come to the right decision." We grow by making decisions and assuming responsibility for them. You're not going to be right all the time. In fact, President Harry Truman said, "Whenever I make a bum decision, I just go out and make another." Andrew Carnegie felt much the same way, that making decisions is a measure for success. He said: "It has been my experience that a man who cannot reach a decision promptly once he has all the necessary facts for the decision at hand, cannot be depended upon to carry through any decision he may make. I have also discovered that men who reach decisions promptly usually have the capacity to move with definiteness of purpose in other circumstances." Strong leaders have no problem in making decisions. They are confident that their decisions are the best. Warren Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, said, "My idea of a group decision is to look in the mirror." Abraham Lincoln faced some of the most difficult decisions any president has encountered when he presided over a nation that was split down the middle on the issue of slavery. In 1863 Lincoln, worried about the future of a nation breaking apart at the seams, made a bold decision to take charge, take risks and move ahead. He wrote one of the most profound statements about human rights of all time, the Emancipation Proclamation. He took these ideas to his cabinet, which then numbered only six. After reading the Proclamation to them, he asked for their consensus and support. The vote, including Lincoln's, was two "ayes," and five "nays." Lincoln announced the vote as recorded, two "ayes," five "nays." And he said, "the 'ayes' have it." Few of us will ever have to make a decision that monumental, but as managers we will have to make plenty of smaller decisions that affect the lives and careers of our employees. James Barksdale, former CEO of Netscape, was a charismatic manager whose maxims endeared him to his employees. One of his favorites was formulated at a management retreat soon after he took over Netscape. It's known as his three-snake rule: The first rule: If you see a snake, kill it. Don't set up a snake committee. Don't set up a snake user group. Don't write snake memos. Kill it. The second rule: Don't play with dead snakes. (Don't revisit decisions.) The paradoxical third: All opportunities start out looking like snakes.   Mackay's Moral: Don't be afraid to make a decision. Be afraid not to make a decision. Copyright 2009, Harvey Mackay, All Rights Reserved About the Author Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times best sellers Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive and Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt. Mackay's books have sold 10 million copies worldwide. He also writes a nationally syndicated column and is a popular business speaker named one of the top five speakers in the world by Toastmasters International.