Ezine Arcive

The Award-Winning Monthly Resource for Professionals

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OUTCOME FOCUS REPORT
Circulation 14,300
Vol 39 - December 23, 2002
Publisher: Anne Warfield
contact@impressionmanagement.com
888-imp-9421 or 952-921-9421
http://www.impressionmanagement.com
c) Impression Management Professionals 2002
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By subscription only! 

Welcome!  Use as a training tool:  Present the situation to the group and
have them brainstorm how they would best handle the situation. Then share
the Outcome Focus answer and see how it relates or differs from solutions
the group found.

Go ahead and pass this to friends. If you receive this from a friend and
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IN THIS ISSUE 
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1) What's In The News
2) Outcome Focus Situation/Solution
3) Anne's Aha/Guest Article
4) What To Watch For Next Time 
5) Resources To Learn More


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1.   What's In The News?
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Check out IMP's Upcoming Public Seminars at the IMP Institute:

Jan. 13-14 Outcome Focus Presentations Skills
Jan. 20-21 Outcome Focus Communication Skills

For a list of Anne's 2003 Seminars follow this link:

http://www.impressionmanagement.com/coaching.phtml

Learn to communicate, present your ideas, thoughts, products or services
so people WANT to listen to you.  You will learn how people see you, how
they hear you, how to say your message and how to deliver your message.

If you are interested, please email me and I will provide you with all the
details.
mailto:Paul@imp.us.com 

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2.     Here's This Months Outcome Focus Situation/Solution  
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How To Get Along With Family During The Holidays Or During Any Family
Gathering

SITUATION: 
I have gotten many e-mails asking how people can put up with family.  Some
of you have written asking about one family member that makes you
uncomfortable while others have written wondering why you can get along so
great with every one but then when you go home to your family you revert
back to old habits and positions.

OUTCOME DESIRED: 
Since we all want to make the most out of the holidays, this time today is
dedicated to understanding why you interact with your family the way you
do and what you can do to enjoy it more.

HOW TO HANDLE: 
The first thing is to realize that when we grow up in our family we each
assume a position that allows us to best interact with the others in our
family unit.  This position and the way we assume it is what makes us
"special" to our family unit.

I grew up with four kids in the family.  I was the youngest.  There was
very little that I could bring to the table experience wise that the other
kids had not already done.  So I quickly learned that if I read a lot I
could possibly learn things the others kids were not able to experience.

This quickly led to me becoming a "Miss know-it-all".  As a kid, I was
proud that I knew information and would willingly share this with anyone
that wanted (or was captured!) to listen.  I also quickly saw that my
brothers and sisters didn't like to talk to strangers so this became my
second outlet-to be the one that could converse with anyone.

Think of the role you played in your family. What got you recognized? 
What gave you your special spot or attention in the family?  What
personalities did you learn to work around in order to get what you
wanted?

Think about each person in your family.  What role did they each play for
the family?  Which person was the one who tested the limits?  Who was the
peacemaker?  Who was the defiant one?  Who was the floater that molded to
every one else?  Who was the charmer?  Who was the smart one?

Think of your family as one outfit and you each became a piece of the
outfit.  Together you all fit well and each of you knew your spot or piece
of the outfit.

Try and take some time to really chew over this thought before you go home
for the holidays so you can see every person in your family in a new
light.  You may even want to stop right now and make a list and think
about this on a deeper level.  If you would like you and your family
members may want to take our communication quiz at
www.impressionmanagement.com so you can better understand how and why you
interact the way you do.

Now you leave your family and go out in the world.  But now you are just a
sweater out on your own.  You feel exhilarated yet oddly out of place.  So
you have four choices.  One)you can develop all the other sides of
yourself and become a whole outfit; two)you can find someone that can
match up with you and together you make an outfit; three)you can stay just
a sweater but become the best sweater you can be, or four) you can decide
that a sweater is all you will ever be and you never grow from there.

Choices come in to play.  Each family member makes one of those four
decisions about his/herself and the growth starts from there.

Now this means that when we go back home you can have someone that was
always the cotton sweater in the family but they come back to the family
as a cashmere sweater and designer pants.  The family has to try to figure
out what outfit they make now that all the pieces have changed.

At that point most families choose to simply revert back to their old
roles in the family rather than admit there is change and embracing the
change.  Not all families though.  Some open up the closet and say, "let's
see what great combinations we can now make."  But for many families that
is a scary role and they choose not to make it.

Let's assume you come from a family where every person falls back in to
their old roles when you get together.

One option you have is: don't look for what you want from your family but
instead look at what you can give each person in your family in order for
them to feel valued.  Realize the roles each person played in the family
and then make sure you avoid statements that can make people feel pegged
to their old roles.

Here are some phrases we often say that shut our family down: "You always
did…"  "You never could…"  "That is just like you!"  "I wouldn't expect
anything different from you!"  I am sure you can add a lot more to the
lists.

Option two: As parents, realize the critical role you play in your own
family's development.  Do you open the doors for people to change?  Do you
set the tone that we can all grow and change and let's embrace it.  Do you
say phrases like, "she has always been so obstinate."

Make sure you open the closet doors and see all the great outfits that can
be made with your changes.

For me this meant realizing that I love to read and learn but only because
I enjoy it not because I want to show off what I learned.  I still love to
converse with strangers because I believe we can learn from everyone so I
am like a sponge.  Because I know the role I played in my family was to
show off what I learned I now ask more questions of others so they know
that I believe I can learn from them (the add value part of Outcome
Thinking) versus always being the one talking (the old me in the family).

Make this the best holiday ever by realizing all you have to offer, all
your family has taught you, and all that you still have to become.

I wish you all the best holidays this season whether you are a sweater,
jacket, pants, or dress!  Just be your best and add value to all people
you meet.


SPECIAL NOTE:

Send Anne your situation to be included in an upcoming E-zine.
mailto:contact@impressionmanagement.com

************** Want To Perfect Your Skills? *************

Order Anne's Book, Outcome Thinking: Getting Results 
Without The Boxing Gloves for $24.95.

http://www.impressionmanagement.com/products.phtml

Save $5.00 when ordering online.  Just enter the Discount Code: IMP101
(all caps) when checking out.

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3.        Anne's "Aha"   
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Season's Greetings!

Quotable Quotes:

"We make a living by what we do.  We make a life by what we give." 
Winston Churchill.

Action:  Donate some of your time and energy to others.  It will come back
to you ten fold.

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4.      NEXT TIME:  Another situation submitted by you.
==================================================

Send Anne your situation for inclusion in the E-zine.
Email your situation to: mailto:contact@impressionmanagement.com

==================================================

5.        I Want More Resources So I Can Perfect My Skills
==================================================


Products: Outcome Thinking Book $24.95 *
Communicating More Effectively Book $14.95
(Body Language)
Body Language Video $99.95
Success Negotiating Audio Tape $14.95
GOALS Set $39.95

I WANT IT ALL: COMPLETE PACKAGE, Regularly $215. Special price for
Subscribers, $149.95, includes two free gifts.

Order Online: http://www.impressionmanagement.com/products.phtml

*SAVE $5.00 on Anne's Outcome Thinking Book
Type in the "Discount Code", IMP101 (All Caps)

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FREE ARTICLES AND BACK ISSUES
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We have many articles available for your publication, company newsletter,
etc.  Articles can be viewed at
http://www.impressionmanagement.com/articles/
 
All you have to do is print the article in its entirety along with the by
line at top and the credits, and complete contact information at the end
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Email: mailto:contact@impressionmanagement.com for a complete listing of
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Back Issues of the Outcome Focus E-zine can be viewed at
http://www.impressionmanagement.com/ezine/
 
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===================================================

About Anne and IMP
===================================================


Anne Warfield, CSP*
President
Impression Management Professionals
7200 France Avenue South, Suite 224
Minneapolis, MN 55435
952-921-9421
888-imp-9421
952-921-9420 Fax
Email: mailto:contact@impressionmanagement.com  **
Visit us at: http://www.impressionmanagement.com  

"A true leader is not one you look up to because they are the best. A true
leader is one that draws the best out in you." Anne Warfield

*CSP- Certified Speaking Professional; a designation held by only 7% of
all speakers nationwide

Member of the National Speakers Association

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