I remember my report cards as a child and they all had written on them “poor listener.”
So it confused me when a few years back (okay more than a few) I was asking what I need to work on and what continually came back from people is “well not listening, you are a great listener”. I would laugh and say, “no I am not. I can show you my report cards and how that has been a weakness my whole life.”
Then one friend offered some insight I hadn’t thought of before. She said, “Anne when the teacher gave an assignment did you always do it exactly like she asked?” I said, “no if it didn’t make sense or I thought I could do it better or faster a different way I would do that instead. For example, I remember my first grade teacher telling us we had to draw a snowman before we could do recess. She then put out stacks of colored paper. I thought it was ridiculous to color in a white snowman so I went to the copy paper area, got a piece of white paper and drew my snowman lickety split. She didn’t like that.”
So my friend said, “You are always thinking of how to do things more efficiently so consequently in school that meant you didn’t always do things the way the teacher asked. So it wasn’t that you weren’t listening, it was that you saw a better way of doing things. They just interpreted as that you didn’t listen.”
Now here is the important part- you will always get feedback on what you do well and what you can improve on. Your job is to make sure you get the background information- the why- they think that about you so you can put the feedback in to the right context. As a kid I didn’t get to do that with the teacher but as I got older I would always ask the “why” behind the “what” so that I knew exactly what to work on.
TAKE ACTION: Try to find one area of your life that you need to improve. Find out “what” you are doing that is off and then have others help you with the “why”. Then just try to change the one thing. I became perceived as a great listener because I started to explain to others “why” I was doing something different than asked rather than just doing it. I never thought that one thing could spring me from being perceived as a “poor listener” to being an “insightful thinker.”
Let me know what you find out and what you change as I am dedicated to your success with Outcome Thinking.
Arrogant leaders gain momentum when their ego is feed and rewarded by their actions. They begin to think they are invincible. Now many arrogant leaders can be turned around so they are confident but not arrogant. As I demonstrated in my earlier blog with the example of the Ship Captain from the Costa Concordia Ship, arrogance, left unchecked can be deadly. By now you have probably heard all the scoop about this not being the first time this captain has pulled his ship off course so the employees can wave to their friends on the island.
So how do you turn around someone who as moved from confidence to arrogance?
1. Be direct with them. You need to spell it out in no nonsense language what traits you are seeing, why they bother you, and what you expect the person to do to turn them around.
2. Watch what you are doing to “feed” that arrogance. Are you letting them talk over others in meetings? Do you allow this person to go “rogue”? Do you hold them to the same rules as others or do you let the results dictate the rules?
3. Once you know what you are doing that allows this to exist, let the person know you will be STOPPING those behaviors so you don’t feed in to the pool. Tell them EXPLICITLY what YOU have been doing wrong and how you will stop doing it. I recommend you make part of this change public. For example, “Bill, I have been remiss in allowing you and your team to operate outside our sales guidelines. This causes disruption in the entire process for the company but I have been so focused on the revenue that I didn’t see the repercussions of allowing this to happen. I want to be clear that I won’t allow it any more and that if it happens I will point it out .” Remember they are “in tune” to your behavior so far so they won’t believe the changes until they see them.
4. Remember this will require them to change how they operate with others and their team so elicit from them exactly how they will do that. Don’t just assume it will happen.
5. Set clear consequences if change doesn’t happen. Define with them how you both will know the changes are happening and what will be done if the changes AREN’T made.
It is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. The big problem with arrogance is that it causes the person to put blinders on so they miss critical information, they read a situation incorrectly and they can not anticipate and evaluate risks accurately. So reign them in now in order for both of you to enjoy the crown of confidence and not the thorns of arrogance.
I wanted to let you know that CareerCenterToolBox.com is featuring Anne Warfield in a webinar tomorrow as she shares fresh insights on how to get the job you want, the promotion you deserve.
Right now, there are men and women all over the world dreaming about the same job as you. Do you know what separates you from them? Can you convey that to interviewers? Do you know what will kill an interview?
Join us for this fresh and exciting no-cost webinar!
It’s always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile. – Garry Marshall
Join Us For The OUTCOME THINKING® WEBINAR SERIES
How To Change a “I Screwed Up” in to a “Step Up” For Your Career
January 19, 2012 1:00 CST ( Limited Space)
Have you ever put your foot in your mouth? Have you made a major misstep and not know how to fix it? Have you ever wondered how to go from being on the “watch out” list to being on the “must watch” list?
Let’s face it, we have all had some time in our career where we have botched a client project, mishandled a relationship, or made a mistake that has cost us in some way. The point of this webinar will be to show you how to NOT ONLY get back in good graces but how to UTILIZE your mistake to launch your career forward.
You will learn:
The three mistakes most people make that COMPOUND the problem
How to have the tough discussion
How to move your boss from looking for your next mistake to looking for how to promote you
A screw up can often be the launch pad for a Step UP in your career if you just know what to say and how to say it.
Join us for this fresh and exciting new webinar:
PS: Feel free to pass this invitation on to your family and friends for this one-of-a-kind-webinar experience.
If your audience is pulled away from you with crossed arms, pursed lips, and glaring eyes, they’re telling you that they don’t like what they’re hearing or that they don’t want to be there.
If your audience is leaning forward but firmly planted in the chair, they are letting you know they’re eager to hear what you have to say. If they are leaning forward but slightly moving, they are telling you they are eager to leave.
If the audience is hostile to what you are saying, you will hear it in their clipped tone of voice and raised volume. If they’re confused about what you are saying they will have an upward lilt to their voice, with hesitancy and pauses in their questions.
If you want to get really good at reading body language, we have a DVD video available that goes through the positive and negative body signs and how to beat them. Just go to www.imp.us.com, Online, Store to order the Communicating More Effectively Body Language DVD.
You can’t influence what people don’t understand. So if you wish to help people make changes, you need to be able to help them see why the change is of value to them.
Don’t be pushy. Instead, just think about things from their perspective. Why should they want to do this? The less judgmental you are the more they will gravitate to you.
Here is a quick example:
I want my kids to use good table manners. Normally we would try to influence them by telling them why it is important and pointing out when they do things wrong. With Outcome Thinking®, you look at the outcome you desire and focus on that. With that in mind, I asked my kids, “How am I supposed to know that you use good table manners at friends’ houses if I don’t see you using them at home?”
A simple but profound question that allows them to assume the accountability, not me.
I remember my report cards as a child and they all had written on them “poor listener.”
