Outcome Thinking^® Blog

Have you ever been talking with a person and you just felt they weren’t telling you the truth?  Have you ever tried to explain why later on and not been able to really point out what they said that made you not believe them?

You probably couldn’t point it out because it is not the words that tell us if a person is lying but their body language. Literally when a person is lying to you their brain is sending them a signal that they shouldn’t be lying.  This signal is then acted out in their body language.

Here are the common signs a person is lying to you and why they do it:

1. Break eye contact.  It is their brain’s attempt to not look at the person they are lying to

2. Cover their mouth.  It is their brain’s attempt to not let the words out of their mouth.  This is often disguised with a cough.

3. Tug on their ear or put their finger in their ear.  It is literally their brain’s attempt not to hear the lie.

These are just three of the possible signs a person is lying.  Notice how they follow the “Three Monkees” that cover their eyes, ears and mouth.  It is your brain saying “I will hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil.”

In your corporate meetings look for open body language that shows a person is not hiding anythhing.

Arrogant leaders gain momentum when their ego is feed and rewarded by their actions.  They begin to think they are invincible.  Now many arrogant leaders can be turned around so they are confident but not arrogant.  As I demonstrated in my earlier blog with the example of the Ship Captain from the Costa Concordia Ship, arrogance, left unchecked can be deadly.  By now you have probably heard all the scoop about this not being the first time this captain has pulled his ship off course so the employees can wave to their friends on the island.

So how do you turn around someone who as moved from confidence to arrogance?

1. Be direct with them.  You need to spell it out in no nonsense language what traits you are seeing, why they bother you, and what you expect the person to do to turn them around.

2. Watch what you are doing to “feed” that arrogance.  Are you letting them talk over others in meetings? Do you allow this person to go “rogue”?  Do you hold them to the same rules as others or do you let the results dictate the rules? 

3. Once you know what you are doing that allows this to exist, let the person know you will be STOPPING those behaviors so you don’t feed in to the pool.  Tell them EXPLICITLY what YOU have been doing wrong and how you will stop doing it.  I recommend you make part of this change public.  For example, “Bill, I have been remiss in allowing you and your team to operate outside our sales guidelines.  This causes disruption in the entire process for the company but I have been so focused on the revenue that I didn’t see the repercussions of allowing this to happen.  I want to be clear that I won’t allow it any more and that if it happens I will point it out .” Remember they are “in tune” to your behavior so far so they won’t believe the changes until they see them.

4. Remember this will require them to change how they operate with others and their team so elicit from them exactly how they will do that.  Don’t just assume it will happen.

5. Set clear consequences if change doesn’t happen.  Define with them how you both will know the changes are happening and what will be done if the changes AREN’T made. 

It is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.  The big problem with arrogance is that it causes the person to put blinders on so they miss critical information, they read a situation incorrectly and they can not anticipate and evaluate risks accurately.  So reign them in now in order for both of you to enjoy the crown of confidence and not the thorns of arrogance.